Post-vacation blues are inevitable. I come back to work after seeing cute nieces and nephews, silly siblings, crazy and loving parents, fun friends. After being able to play piano, eat healthy and delicious (and free) food, easily use my bike to get around, wear what I want, and be in the general comforts of home. After being able to not have to think. And then "here comes D-ville," rainy and gloomy, ready to slurp away 7 more months with just one week of set vacation.
Ok, so it's a little simplified for dramatic effect. What I'm trying to get at is that January, that mid-point month in my work/academic calendar which happens to be colder and greyer, has always been a challenge for me. (By "me," I also include a whole lot of other folks). I've been swinging back and forth from feeling ok/randomly really giddy to the opposite. So last weekend I went to this amazing sauna house with some volunteers called Jeju, north of Atlanta. You pay $25 for as long as you want to stay (some people sleep overnight) to have full access to 8 differently themed (and temperatured) sweat huts, a pool, saunas, hot tubs, and a gym. You pay extra for a massage, body scrub, acupuncture, etc. It was amazing! I had several different epiphanies while I was laying there sweating out seemingly all of my tension and negative energy that had built up in my head and body. I felt so accepting of myself and my situation, surrendering all my concerns to the clouds and fate. I realized that I need a lot more meditation and self-soothing techniques, even if for only a few minutes every day. Needless to say, that was a great day.
But the hovering, annually recurring question that has recently caused me a lot of frustration, doubt, and confusion is: what am I doing (with my life)? What am I learning from this position, from myself, that will guide me the way forward? There are a few things I feel like I know: it should be OK to not know, especially at this age when a lot of people have similar questions, that I love a lot of things and feel like I could apply myself in many directions, and that I absorb too much/am too sensitive for me to be able to work with troubled youth for longer than this term at this point in my life. An overwhelming response I have gotten from conversations about this is the assurance that it will all work out the "way it's supposed to," that there's no need to worry about things that will "fall into place." Then why does it seem like such a struggle? Isn't it a tad ironic (don't you think) that I'm taking my quest for a happy future so heavily and seriously? ("I want to be happy, damn it!") Is it the same kind of juxtaposition as a mother yelling at her daughter out of love? <--type attempt at being deep HERE.
Anyway, a lot of thinking is going on in little Lisa's brain right now. Feel free to tell me what to do in my future or tell me a fart joke to clear the air.
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